Today is the 13th May 2009 . Had quite an unpleasant day today . Haven't clubbed for weeks and it's breaking me down . Somehow or another, clubbing seems more than anything else to perk me up and bring me back together, it's like my motivation, my confidence, the only reason why i live with fun . I'm officially craving to club, cashless to club, crying to club . But i'm holding myself back, i'm biting my teeth tight, so tight i felt that at any point of time i can just stop doing all my tutorials at night and head to a club to free myself . 

Projects are starting to roll in and due dates are all the same, i'm not surprise that tests pop out and sticks on nicely on the project due date itself . Even though i didn't say it out, but it's saddening to know that my name is no longer on the DAC/04 list . Well, even if it is, my photo isn't there, so . . . i'm removed from the class . Projects and assignments now are with different people, and it is this part that make things sick and irritating . I don't wish to say it here, but my efforts to complete the projects seem to flow down the drain . I do because it have to do, i listen because i need to, and i talk to those people because it's part of the requirement to discuss . 

My life - messy, crushed, held back . 

The only moment i look forward to is us being together . 

I don't care who reads my blog, be it a total stranger, a friend or perhaps someone i don't like, i still wanna be frank whenever i blog . 

When things don't turn out pleasant, i always tell myself, there're worse days i've had . But when things don't turn out right for you, i get very worried . Like when you seem so sick of work today more than usual, when you laid on my bed flipping right and left not resting, when i sense you're not really happy, there's this sudden urge to cry, because i felt hopeless and helpless that i can't make you any happier, that i can do nothing because this is your career and i have no right or way to make things better . Sometimes i sit around thinking about you and us, sometimes in long train rides and can't help but think i'm always better than other girls, because i have you i guess ? -laughs- I just know i'm better off for no reason, or for a reason which may perhaps says you're lousier than another guy but i don't care . I don't remove the ring on my finger unless i have a good reason, and i touch it with my thumb whenever i think about you . You have officially entered my life, if you still remember what it means when i told you about my uncle's death . Affectable, influencable and anything that may cause huge emotional wave to me . 

All for these emotional post, i hope for nothing more than everything being right and in place . 

With lotsa love,

Chantel